i need some good advice

no. what i need is to take my own advice because i know it's good. but i wish someone would just say it.

i celebrated laundry day for the first time in like 3 weeks.

about that long ago i bought some fun dip while i was visiting a friend. later i was at home and started eating it. but it was so large, i ended up setting it on my desk. of course it spilled. and of course later i spilled water. and so i ended up cleaning off this hard dried up sugar/water combo off my desk today. that's productive for me. screw the two papers due on tuesday. i don't need to do that shit... fuck.

i also applied for study abroad in lebanon this fall. (reading consular sheets now)

darn.shoot.frick.

it's been two and a half weeks, and i think that i'm just now realizing that i'm better than that shit. maybe i'm a little slow, but i'm working on it. the thing is, i know he's better than what he's doing too. but he doesn't believe it. and i can't do anything about it unless he wants to. and right now he's not communicating with me. so whatever. i need to just concentrate on graduating. i have a shit ton to do before graduation.

capstone final draft
religion in america paper
religion in america takehome paper final
symbolic presentation & write up
symbolic test 3
linguistics final

damn.shit.fuck. i don't need these frustrations. boys, cars & classes, damn them all.

god damn, i need to do something productive. like right this minute. i think i forgot how.

rawr.

i need to go to sleep. i have a pt test at 5:30 tomorrow morning. or this morning. well, now that i think about it, the blog is still on morocco time, so it's actually 12:30 right now.

I don't know who i'm walking with at graduation. i don't even know if i'm walking for my BA or BS. i haven't decided. I haven't ordered invitations. and i mostly don't care.

i do know what i care about right now and it's not what i want to care about so BOO.

new post-graduation plans. live with sister & get summer job. then go to lebanon for the fall semester. mmm arabic & the middle east.

step by step instructions.

okay, here's what you need to do.

1. put on some clothes already
2. leave your house
   
3. go to your local bookstore (by car, foot, subway, bike whatever)
   
4. buy The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
5. go back to your house
6. sit down
   
7. read The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
8. take a break to awe in The Prophet's magnificence
   
9. begin re-reading The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
10. repeat steps 8 and 9 as often as needed
    

Classification of mathematical problems as linear and nonlinear is like classification of the Universe as bananas and non-bananas.

"the trick is to keep breathing"

so, so true. i'm on this fucking emotional rollercoaster. i shouldn't be this upset, i mean, god damn. we only "dated" for two months, and that's only if you're generous.

Tuesday I wake up fine & happy, good. laughing, hanging with friends, looking forward to the future. Tuesday evening & I feel like crying. Wendesday, bad morning, beautiful day, walking to park with friends, back in room & feel like crying. need to lead meeting for MAA, finding math jokes -- can i get through the meeting? i can do this.

i can do this. what the fuck is wrong with me. thinking of UCS. no. don't want to talk to them. don't want to talk. can't form sentences.

will be okay. swear to motherfuckingod. i will be okay. i'm just workin on it now.

update

GRE = taken.
GRE scores = better than i expected.
so there's something good, i suppose.
thinking about going to lebanon ...

great.

so, now that my broked elbow is healing, i'm just broked up with.

i have a six hour test on saturday morning.