that's not the way the song goes.

ok,
i hope you don't hate me.
i just wanted to say hi.
Hi.

*****

okay
of course i don't hate you
though i wish i did

did you really just want to say hi?
certain things i'll struggle to understand too.

damn it.
i think you were wrong.
i wish you thought the same way
and i wish you would say so.
but i never want to convince you so.
why can't you just know?

and why can't you get over yourself
you're not perfect.
so what?
i don't care
neither am i.

and we wouldn't be perfect,
but it would be okay.
or at least we should have the chance to try & make it okay.

it was hard, right?
and there were strange times.
it would still be hard.
and there would be stranger, badder times.
but you gave up.
gave up on everything.
and everyone.

do you really think that you really want to be alone.
forever.
or was that a nice little lie
to make me feel better?
(it wouldn't work)

i believe
that it's what you believe
but i can't believe
that it's true.

i loved talking to you
i was able to be more honest with you
than i've ever been before.
and now. i suppose
"not so much"
is an understatement.

i wish you would pick up the phone
and call me.
but you don't have my number
you don't have a phone.

i'd tell you how
now i better understand your
complete lack of physical belongings
but you aren't a monk
though you try so hard.

and even monks spring
for a bed.
and a table.
and heat.

i enjoyed being your heat.
and you being mine.

or maybe all i'd say
is good night.

and the silence would kill me
as it did
the last time we spoke
face to face.

good night.