deleting this blog since 2001

Morocco. I'm studying abroad in Morocco this summer. I leave in ten (10) days! I'm kinda scared shitless. My parents are trying to be supportive but doing a really sucky job of it. I need to unpack from school and then repack for the flight. This summer will be consumed with Arabic and I'm so excited about that! I'm going to an Islamic country!

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As far as religion goes, today is rather important to me. Two years ago today, I decided that I wasn't Christian. Or, maybe more accurately, that what I believed about God through my personal experiences was not what my religion told me I should believe or feel or think. I never really saw this split as permanant. I always assumed, and still do, that I will return to the Church. Sometimes, though, I wonder if maybe it was all a mistake. But I don't know which choice was a mistake.

I never have told my parents. My mom is scared for my soul, I think. I couldn't possilby be interested in Arabic because it's beautiful and useful. I wonder if I'd be better off Atheist or Muslim in her eyes. I suppose it doesn't matter because I'm neither and she doesn't know. Maybe if I had the balls to tell her, I would have had the balls to tell other people things I've kept in for too long.